PenIs Chat (java) | Message Board | Contest
| Friday, September 29, 2000 |
The next stop for this pigskin bus is Tuna Townfont>-- eod
1:07AM PST
I know you don't smoke weed. but It's friday, you ain't got no job and you don't got shit to do..
Masah Eod why did you widdle your time archiving da page? I thoughts that was pudd'n head misto josh's job
It is, it is supposed to be, but Josh comes and goes as he pleases. The one thing we asked of him was to atleast archive the page if he is going to be lazy and never post.
Toss a smoke bomb at whitey
-- weishaupt>
3:05 PM PST
When was the last time you saw several thousand people
march through downtown yelling about something they like and support,
as opposed to something they hate and want to destroy? Me neither.
There was a protest
Oh, and here's my comment on the recent conflagration: Cyd and Jeer,
both of you suck at Quake. Your skills are laughable, and you're
an embarassment to the game. All you will see are the bloody gobbets
of your corpses on the walls, and all you will hear is the sound of
your own whimpering. Losers.
Bad, not bad like
Bruce Cambell but bad like Texas.-- jeer
9:47 PM EST
Over the past 13 years I've been playing with computers I've noticed one thing
about the relationships between humans and they're digital counterparts. Some
of these individuals have the uncanny ability, despite training to lay anything
with a diode, transistor or capacitor to waste. I am one of these individuals. My woes started years ago with a tandy and have
yet to cease. Some of my more current cords of tragedy would include a duron
clocked to a measly 500 running at 164 degrees, a voodoo cooler making more
heat than the voodoo because the turbine has no grease between the shaft and
the motor and a computer that doesn't seem to think it has USB ports. The thing that makes me grind my teeth and dream wistfully of introducing Mr.ClawHammer
to Mr. Motherboard isn't that these problem exist. It's the fact that as soon
as I pin down and correct the last conflict four more will spring upwards like
Cerberus from the rotting bowls of hell to replace them. God damn it. I'm full of sun shine goodness-- jeer
8:11 PM EST
I received some shocked response when I proposed to a certain cam girl not too long go. "But jeer, you hate cam chicks!?" That doesn't mean I don't want to lick they're faces and hump they're legs, young asshopper. So for fear I might loose 'Biggest Jerkoff of PenIsMightier' status I'll provide a dramatization of what would likely occur if I were ever lucky enough to get a date with one of the many luscious cam chicks of the world. For this example lets make up a name. Hmmm lets call her poose. Got it? Good, lets go. 10 minutes pass... 10 minutes pass... 10 minutes pass...
Ummm fuck you, I have to much shit to do... To all you people who are not working til 1am friday and then getting up studying and working saturday, please think of
little ol' Eod, sitting in a small cube listening to the idiots of the US try to explain to me that the Virus came through there power cord and is now hacking there bank account.
Bless yo' soul Masah Eod.
We needed be reminded to the extent of Josh's lameness and total abandonment of penismightier.com.. Now hush up... Go run along now
Thursday, September 28, 2000 jeer: Gosh it sure is great to finally meet you. Here, I uh brought you a flower.
Poose: That's sweet.
jeer: Heh, I'm uh kind of nervous.
Poose: It's OK.Poose: And then I said...
Poose: And when I was five...
Poose: At the time I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals...
jeer: I have a dog!
Poose: Dogs are nice. But enough about you, lets talk about me!
| Tuesday, September 26, 2000 |
Yeee-haw!-- Zippy
8:45 PM EST
Oh.... my... god. Do you remember what it was like when you found out Santa Claus and the tooth fairy didn't exist? Well, I just had the opposite sort of experience. I got to find out that stereotypes aren't always just misconceptions. One in particular anyway, about Texans being horribly racist. Stile recently threw up a link to a page at the University of Texas at Dallas that was very very interesting indeed. The link was to a section of the Teaching Assistant handbook outlining what TAs shouldn't say to students because they might be just a tiny itsy bit RACIST. Unfortunately, the university must have noticed that they were getting tons of hits, because access to that particular page is now forbidden. Lucky for you fine folks a buddy of mine managed to snag *this* out of his IE cache.
I can't help but wonder why the university felt the need to explicitly tell their TAs to not say things like "'A 'C' is a good grade for you. Of all the Black students in the class, you made the highest grade."
Well hol-eeeeeeee shit. I get the strong feeling Texans should stick to beef and oil, and leave higher education alone.
Get the jizz bucket-- Zippy
12:15 AM EST
H m y a . S o w e a l l k n o w I ' v e b e e n o f f l i n e f o r a b o u t t h r e e w e e k s n o w w a i t i n g f o r s o m e s o r t o f h i g h b a n d w i d t h m o d e m t o d r o p i n m y l a p . W e l l , i t a r r i v e d l a t e l a s t w e e k , a n d i t ' s n a m e i s A D m u t h a f u c k i n S L . W a y , W A Y f a s t e r t h a n @ h o m e e v e r w a s f o r m e . I ' l l g i v e y o u n i c e f o l k s t h r e e g u e s s e s t o f i g u r e o u t w h a t t h e f i r s t t h i n g I l o o k e d f o r o n l i n e w a s .
F i n e , i t w a s
Slashdot . B u t . . . t h e s e c o n d t h i n g w a s p o r n . A n d s o w a s t h e t h i r d . A n d t h e f o u r t h , e t c . . .
| Monday, September 25, 2000 |
Lack of posts.-- eod
2:09PM PST
There have been no posts the past few days because bla-bla felt it was time
to randomly change our pw. We are up and going again.
Cream filled crack rocks.-- eod
2:07PM PST
If I ever went to prison and someone tried to start trouble with me, I'd
make a shank out of my toothbrush. I wouldn't use a normal tooth brush
but the kind with a hold at the end so I could string some floss through
the hole. So when they shake down my cell I could shove the toothbrush up
my ass but not loose it. That'll learn em.
| Saturday, September 23, 2000 |
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD II --jeer - 8:30 PM EST
I have a dream. I have a dream that one day these United States will be transformed into a situation where little zombie boys and zombie girls will be able to join hands with little living boys and living girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.
That being said I'll quickly touch on the drama that has ensued here recently.
I really don't understand all the hubbub. I mean it was so obviously a joke that I can't believe six posts resulted from it (not including this one). Despite my can of whoop ass I admittedly am a little frightened by the thought of settling it 'personally'. I'm sure the slap boxing and windmills that would quickly follow upon our meeting would be brutal if not fatal. I don't know there is anything to settle but if you(cyd) want a friendly round or two of quake, I'm game.
( Roo, my evil alter ego. )
In my defense I have to say if I'm known for anything it's this kind of thing. It's one of my favorites. Jesus, I'm such a fucking bastard.
caller id --cyd @1:35 pm psti decided to call j33r, kiss and make up. now doesn't it make you feel better? absofuckinglutely!
Wait.. You mean Dr Dre doesn't have his PHD?-- eod
12:07PM PST
Ok the last mp3 I posted up was just the audio version of summonersgeeks. So fine, it wasn't
that exciting but I promise this next one is better. Ratatak had this mp3 of steven hawkings rapping. Which I for one found wonderfully
hilarious. Listen to it.
Zippyronomy 6:15 --Zippy
@2:00 PM EST
" for the LORD your Zippy, who is among you, is a jealous Zippy and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land."
Kiddies, please, if we're going to get into this, let's do it right. We can set up some mattresses out back and have Cyd and Jeer wrestle for the title of Most Anal. Such drama here. My my, what have we become? I say, if you want drama, then what better than the story of a young girl and her forbidden love for a stuffed bear?
Part 1, Parts 3 - 5 coming soon
Diablo is my bitch
ezekiel 25:17
--cyd
@2:50 am pst
sara, i challenged jeer to a quake match to settle the matter. was i any more
"serious" than he? i am aware that it was friendly joking in that brash jeer
way, and i responded in the like because i found it enertaining to do so.
and eod and i dealt with our lover's spat over email, as
it should be. i thought he handled it like more of a man than i did, as a
matter of fact. and jeer, i'm sure you know i don't expect to be taken seriously,
so why should i take others seriously, either? as far as personal issues, let's
try to handle things in such an adult manner over email (or in person).
I'd like a pepsi with my
erlrichda combo.--sara1:56 AM
PST
I personally find it humorous that you (Cyd) find every little fuck up
Jeer has ever made to build a case and then suggest he lighten
up.. you were obviously more disturbed than you let on to. Not to mention
this situation seems very similar to one which happened with you and eod
not long ago via email.. you policing the code is growing tedious.
Though I generally wouldnt like to take sides in a situation such as this
in such a public fashion I think it has been pretty obvious thusfar that
jeer is a fairly judgemental ass and you are not the first nor will you be
the last person he directs his opinions towards. Not to mention jeer was
joking.. to call you a white Supremacist, lolita/scat enthusiast
based on a site you chose to link to dealing with neither of those issues
has little ground to stand on and I have therefore deducted his post may
indeed be the same type of black humor which you refer to as making our
site what it is. I think you should heed your own advice and
erlrichda.. We have a variety of readers some of whom dislike one or
another of us. Personally I like the ability we all have as posters to
speak our minds (bitching included) after all.... that is why we are a
part of this website.
| Friday, September 22, 2000 |
well, allow me to retort --cyd@11:31 pm pst mister jeer. thank you for giving feedback in a public forum. *cough*tact*cough* however, i will defend to the death your right to say that what i post sucks. this being true, i am not guilty of anything other than thinking that single link was funny and that each and every post need not be a masterpiece. not that yours are, it's just that i don't care. you can post whatever drivel you want to post. but if you want to call the kettle black, you copied my header, and that's why your post has the same name number mine does. i uncharacteristically refrained from correcting your coding mistake *this* time, so that readers could see for themselves. outside of this hypocricy, look back at august first, when you posted two lines of text about how you ran out of toilet paper, and i posted my thoughts about the essence of being, and of the evolution of consciousness, even as i posted about how speaking of it defied it, purely out of, as you say, respect for our readers. and if you can see behind the apparent paradox of that statement, there may be hope for you yet. when you're done checking out august first, check out august fifteenth, the day you ripped on our site design. you are a bitter, bitter man. which, by the way, makes it hard for me to understand why you did not think this card was funny. honestly, this card is exactly the sort of black humor upon which the greatness of this site was founded. ok, so i didn't have much more to say. give me a break, i had five minutes before work. what, pray tell, is the bar you have set which all posters must jump over before something is "worthy" of posting? does it have to be something involving toilet paper? i thought the shit was funny. sometimes i think your shit is funny. sometimes you are full of shit. whatever, who cares, and most of all, erlrichda, or its loosely translated english version, lighten up. sometimes i just want to say that i liked something that someone else created. are art galleries detestable, too, for showcasing the art of others? i don't exactly know how changing the label from "ensure" to "whoop-ass" is gonna help you, the can is full of the same shit. now stop bitching about what others are doing, and worry about your own ass. luv, cyd.
p.s. why don't we settle this like men? bring your computer over, and we'll play quake for it. even *you* ought to think that'd be "good copy", and whomever loses has to make a post about how they are a whiny bitch, and then we can quit wasting our readers' bandwidth with said bitching, which smacks of the disrespect to our readers of which you spoke.
r00t of evil. --jeer4:34 PM EST
Up until now I've kept my mouth shut because I'm soft and fragile like a woman. Well I've replaced the label on an old can of pinto beans with one entitled 'Whoop Ass'. Seeing as how I now have some preserved, hand packed, out of season whoop ass to defend myself with....
Cyd, you've been eating paint chips again. The afore mentioned web site sucked. In fact a lot of the links suck. And to be brutally honest I think most web sites suck. It truly saddens me when one of the penis crew supplies nothing but a link. A lonely, wretched link at that. A link that says 'I don't respect the readers.' See I'd always held my dear PenIs high above the rest.
You see when a writer merely displays a link it says 'I'm too busy with my white supremacy meetings and lolita/scat porn to be bothered with a lowly reader.' It shows that you have delusions of your own self worth and believe original content to be nothing more than frivolity not worth your time.
Shame on you Cyd. Shame.
It's atrocities like this that make me question the existence of god.
Cyd: white Supremacist, lolita/scat enthusiast. He doesn't respect you.
in case you're bored... --cyd@9 am pst
this site gets the PenIs stamp of approval. be sure to check out the
cards section. i usually hate e-cards, but don jones is pretty fucking witty.
| Thursday, September 21, 2000 |
There was enough cheese under my balls for 2 sandwichs-- eod 8:23PM PST
I've been doing all sorts of creative banking lately, transfering funds too and fro all the live long day, I was quite content today until I stumbled upon something that disturbed me. The first 5 checks of my new pack of checks had some designs that I could "test drive" incase the next time I order more checks that I may want to pick from these designs.
As much as I like "Treasured moments" and the "Victorian Garden" I do not want to be seen paying for anything in public with these. I have nothing against cats but I don't want a basket full of kittens on my checks. Got it? It's nice of them to let me "test drive" these but maybe they could check out the demographic and send me some with some guns or porn on it. So what do I do, do I scrap the first 5 checks? I'll have to use these checks for paying bills, and I'll attach a note to the clerk who gets to opens the mail "I do not have a check book full of "Kitten Joy".. Seriously.."
save the choking babies --cyd@5 pm pst
Thanksgiving
in my pants.. pass the country gravy please
sweet. i got paid $22/hour to arrive late and leave early for a cpr/first
aid class. while there, the 5 o'clock news came to film us for use in a
story regarding the stunning absence of training for those individuals whom
one would imagine would be required to know cpr and first aid. among those
who are not trained, are officers of the law, 911
dispatchers (so they could
talk someone through administering cpr or first aid), and counselors or
apparently anyone at boot camp. a fifteen year old kid there went into
arrest, and no one at the camp or at 911 was able to help him. the emt's
who arrived over an hour later could have helped him if he hadn't been so
decidedly non-corporeal. so the moral of the story is: everyone should
get as many jobs at once as they can which specifically require cpr and first
aid training, and immediately take the class so they can get paid by each job
totalling inordinate sums of money for learning something societally beneficial.
Today I figured out why the electric razor I bought was only $19.95... Because it rips the hairs our instead of actually cutting them. The thing is so dull when you move it along in hopes of cutting facial stubble, it just chews on them but never cuts them. So after a nice facial ripping session, I look in the mirror and admire all the small bleeding plugs on my face. I think to myself "Sexy.."
The voices, they're coming back!
-- jeer
7:41AM EST
EOD, I've had the the the DnD thing in it's entirety ( with visuals ) on the server for
weeks. I think it's worth the 15megs, easy. You can get it
here. Trust me, It's worth it. It's in some weird video format so don't fret the
.exe
Update: Oops. It seems I totally
forgot I had turned off hardware acceleration so ignore the death threats. Let the carnage begin! =)
Also (in addition to the fact that EOD is a complete schmuck), I haven't been able to play quake. The projectile
vomiting and cold sweats have become even more frequent than ever. I can feel the life draining from my veins.
Now, as to why I am unable to indulge in the glorious spectacle of violence known as Q3A?
I've reinstalled my voodoo3, the drivers and OpenGl. I've reinstalled quake as well as windows. I've removed any programs that my be
conflicting with it. I've even tried things such as wick3d.
Nothing!
Dorkolympics
-- weishaupt
12:20AM PST
I found a site like that last night. You see, I think I may
have discovered the world's biggest
dork. The lad pictured to the left, who (aside from being
mind-blowingly goofy looking) lacks the good sense to keep
his real name off his webpages, is Grant Paplauskas. Grant
(seen here with
his bitches)
is a recent graduate of, and current Webmaster for, Trinity Christian College.
Now, if graduating from a Bible college is somewhat dorky,
webdesigning for one has to be exponentially worse. And you
have to admit, his picture (he also lacks the good sense to keep
his picture off of his websites) is a monument to dorkness
as well. But is that the end of his impressive dork resume? Oh,
lordy no.
Grant here is also the designer of the magnificent Hollywood
Jem webpage. Even a cursory look through the pages on his
site will show you that there is something very wrong with this person.
Right about the time you're thinking, "Yeah, okay, I get the point,
this dude is a butt-ranging bible-thumping World Class dork,
so what?" you'll try the link to Like A Dream:
the JEM Roleplay Adventure. This has to be the absolute nadir
of internet fecundity. Look around. Yeah, you guessed it, its
a bunch of (otherwise) normal people who spend their free time
writing fan fiction based around the characters of a poorly-drawn
80's cartoon. And a shitty one, at that.
Do I even need to go on? Can any sane adult doubt that these
people are damaged goods? And Grant Paplauskas, uberdork, is
their ringleader. Now, I'm not saying people should be judged
by every strange little thing they post on the net, but go
check the Archives of the roleplaying thing. Three years
they've been doing this! That's not a hobby, that's an
obsessive disorder. In fact, the most bizarre detail is that
the designer and contributors aren't even embarassed enough
to hide their identities.
I may be beating a dead horse here. If you're not convinced by his
picture, his job, and his disturbing little pastime that this man
is the all-time USDA choice dork of a lifetime (as well as being
gay as a three-dollar bill), then you never will be. On the other hand,
perhaps you feel sorry for the poor bastard. Some of you probably think
I've been a little tough on old Grant and his ugly-ass dog, so you'll
probably want to
drop him an
encouraging note to help bolster his spirits. Or, if you're
particularly outraged at my pointless insults, perhaps
you should just call him and express your condolences personally:
his number is (708) 239-4888 (See Grant? Another good reason
to keep your real name off your creepy little page). But even if
you do feel sorry for him, or think I'm being unfair, there's one
thing you can't argue with: at the Twit of the Century awards,
this guy's gonna be a contender.
Now what does this mean to you the PenIs reader? Well if I don't get some ownage on it's hello kitty for this puppy!
I will kill this cute innocent puppy god damn it! Now do you really want that on your conscious
?
GLW_StartOpenGL() - could not load OpenGL subsystem
You know, sometimes you're surfing around randomly, looking
for something new, unusual, dirty, shocking; you're bored, doing
random searches on google, clicking
promiscuously
through shitty-looking links pages,
experimenting with half-forgotten entries in your Favorites
folder. And then, sixteen clicks deep into a cached pile
of completely valueless sites you come across something
truly disturbing. Something that makes you long for a
forgotten decade when the internet was just a gleam in Al
Gore's eye, back when the average college student had never
seen barnyard porn.
| wednesday, September 20, 2000 |
be agressive, B-E agressive B-E-A-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! .-- eod 11:33AM PST
Well after much waiting I have recieved my i-opener today via the boys in brown, UPS. Only problem is that this one has been tampered with by the company. They removed a few of the ide pins to prevent hacking it into something useful. So it seems I have either version 1 or version 2. So with Josh's steady soldiering hand, we'll add the pins back and get this bad boy running a real OS.
| tuesday, september 19, 2000 |
addendum to fen's diary--cyd@8:35 pm pst
i don't know what in the hell is going on in this country, but did anyone who saw the
horror movie spoof nike ad feel offended by the content (ie. not get the joke)? apparently
someone did, because nbc got thousands of calls from irate viewers, causing them
to take the commercial off the air. it was actually pretty funny. it was a spoof
of your average horror flick,
where the ubiquitous hot chick gets chased by a bemasked
chainsaw wielder. she eventually outlasts him, and he's forced to give up the chase,
presumably because she had nike shoes. it's well done tasteless
humor, and farbeit for PenIs to endorse that sort of thing. and just when i thought
we'd broken from the 50's mentality. sheesh.
| Moonday, September 18, 2000 |
Fen's Olympic Diary, Day Two -- fenomas 12:20PM JST
The Olympics are just out of control. Too many sports, too many athletes, too much money flowing between too many sponsors, too many advertisers, and too many IOC committee members'nephews' cousins. It's all headed for disaster, and you know why? Because it's getting to be bad TV. I mean, everyone likes Wheel Of Fortune, right? But would you watch good ol' Pat and Vanna if there were eighty-five wheels, with twelve contestants at each, all going simultaneously? And they all had different rules? Of course not. Too much info, not enough hooks, and no-one can remember which of these gazillion people was the teacher who once walked Nixon's dog. And if I don't care about the contestants, then I don't care who wins, except for blind nationalism, which is one of the only two things keeping the games alive (the other being that after four years no-one remembers that they wound up ignoring most of the previous Olympiad).
To illustrate one facet of this problem, I saw some chick on TV the other day who was a beach volleyball player. Apparently beach volleyball is in the games for the first time this year. And, when asked about finally making it to the Olympics, she said something like, "Well, it's been a long time in coming. I mean, it's about time someone finally started taking our sport seriously."
To her, I say, "Fuck you! Judo was around for 80 years before entering the Olympics, and it has just arrived compared to running and swimming and the like. Nobody owes you a trip to Sydney, and even though you may have devoted your life to volleyball, 99% of the world doesn't give a shit. I bet those guys who do tricks with lasso's and shit at rodeos would like to be there too, but we can't expand the Olympics to include every little goddam sport or pasttime any idiot ever thought of.
That's why I propose the following: Start from scratch. Every sport gets thrown out, all at once, from the biathlon to the marathon. Then anybody who wants their sport admitted can apply, and a committee (or, if you prefer, me) will decide which sports get into the next Olympiad based on the following factors:
| 1. History | I know no-one watches Greco-Roman wrestling anymore, but if it's been in the games for a millenia, it stays. |
| 2. Participation / Crowd Appeal | Even if you think it's slow, Soccer is the most played and watched sport on earth. Therefore, it's in. |
| 3. Common Sense | This basically means that golf doesn't get in. Ever. |
That's my proposal. I think with a little common sense and hard work, we can put together a television event that will really draw consumers to advertising like never before. Whaddya think?
| Sunday, September 17, 2000 |
Fen's Olympic Diary, Day One -- fenomas 9:20AM JST
I know I'm a bit late with this, but we had a long weekend over here in Japan. Oddly, The start of the Olympics fell on a national holiday here, so I have been viewing plenty of Olympic goodness. Here is part one of my series of thoughts on this quatri-annual sweat-fest.
I have to say I enjoyed Sydney's opening ceremony more that any I have seen before, which is to say none of them. Did anyone watch this extavaganza? Okay, parts blew, but huge steaming chunks of this sprawling four hour show were like a monkey circus on acid. First there's some Aussie twins-from-Full-House clone walking around with a fat sweaty black guy, then there's two hundred people running around spitting fire and pushing a giant flame-belching junkyard-parts dragon on wheels. Some of them floating around in the sky, mind you. Then out come four hundred Aussie-bred lassses to remake Stomp, and these aren't your typical leggy Hollywood types, these are Australian anyone's-neighbor kick-your-ass-if-you-call-them-Sheila type women. I say, hats off to Australia for finally putting fat homely people where the belong- at the Olympics.
Here are the standings, as of the end of the opening ceremony:
| First Place | Spain, for having its women athletes enter the ceremony visibly bra-less. |
| Second Place | The World Olympic Drum and Bugle Corps Band. Ain't nothin' like a little drum and bugle corps, even if you're straining to hear it over two Japanese announcer-dildos chattering about what time it is back home in Japan (a fact of which most of the audience, watching live from Japan, need not be informed). |
| Honorable Mention | Japan, for having the courage to wear really really stupid capes on the entrance march. If Hanae Mori designs a turd, it's still a turd. |
| Automatic Disqualification | Australia, for even letting Olivia Newton-John into the goddamn stadium. What were they thinking? Couldn't they have given her a fake address, or told her the games were cancelled? |
dammit, cyd where have you been?--cyd@5:45 pm pst
why hast thou forsaken us, cyd?
good question. for starters, i've been working 65.5 hour weeks at two jobs, both in the mental health field. i was also on the multnomah county mental health design team, attending meetings and writing papers.
ok, that's all well and good, but i believe i asked you a question?
oh yeah, the forsaking and what-not. well, i have been working such ungodly hours partly so i could afford my sweet brand spanking new computer, complete with antec server case, asus a7v mb, amd athlon thunderbird 900 mhz cpu, sound blaster live! platinum sound card, the sweet new intellimouse explorer, quantum fireball plus lm 7200 rpm 30 gb hard drive, a crappy video card that is not yet up to specs, and to top it all off, a 21" sony trinitron monitor, which arrived last friday.
that doesn't explain why you abandoned us, cyd. we're really hurt by your apparent lack of caring.
i'm getting to that. be patient. anyway, until now, all of my posts and updates have been from weishaupt's computer. well, after dealing with nearly every problem imaginable, here i am, finally posting from my lumbering beast of a computer. so the wait was partly because i was spending all of my free time trying to get this beast running, and partly in the name of being a purist. it has mostly, however, been because it is difficult as hell to ftp into bla-bla. waiting for me to have gotten past the last hurdle of overcoming bla-bla's ftp issues (which i must have if you are reading this) will pay off, though. my posts will likely be much more relaxed, now that i can view online boobies or needless cruelty, all from the comfort of my own desk and chair.
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