p e n i s m i g h t i e r . c o m

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Monday, Dec 1, 2003
My armor class is VII
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weis @16:41 PST Just noticed over at the dotted slash that Christie's is auctioning a 2000 year old 20-sided Roman die. Has anyone else noticed this? If so, has it occurred to you that one of the Pen Is founders might enjoy playing with this trinket? If so, has it further occurred to you that this auction is taking place on my birthday? Hardly a coincidence, I'd say. So come on, which would you rather do - put the kids through college or buy me an antiquated d20? I might not be as appreciative as your kids, but on the other hand, I can guarantee that I will not wreck your car, flunk any upcoming tests, or drop out of school to join a band.


Monday, Dec 1, 2003
Awkwardness, thy true name is "Alone in Basement with Old Man"
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clme @0:11 CST

I went down into my basement to do my laundry today and found my landlord going through some old boxes of stuff previous tenants had left behind.

After I had put in my clothes I went over and talked to him for a few minutes, during which he asked me about a few of the items he had dug out.

"Hey Chris, whats that bottle of green stuff"

I looked at the bottle and found it was an aloe-vera gel with lidocaine in it.

"It numbs your skin while it moisturizes it"

"Oh... is that something you'd use on an erection?"

"..."
*What the hell?*

"You know... to last longer"?

"Um... I'm not letting that stuff anywhere near there."
*Oh hell. I need a topic change fast.*

"Oh, there used to be this guy I worked with... I forget what he used, but that stuff STUNG LIKE HELL let me tell you".

*Searching for topic change. Looking around basement for inspiration.*
"So, what are you going to do with those old textbooks"?

*Topic change initiated. Mission successful.*

I dont even want to think about where that conversation was going.


Wednesday, Nov 26, 2003
My hard drive is subjugating my CD-ROM
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weishaupt @13:10 PST According to CNN, Los Angeles County officials have requested that computer parts manufacturers stop using the "Master/Slave" nomenclature to refer to primary and secondary IDE devices. The request is in response to one of their employees, who filed a discrimination complaint with the County's Affirmative Action office after being victimized by a passing ribbon cable. No replacement terminology has been suggested, but "Top/Bottom" and "Pitcher/Catcher" are reputed to be likely alternatives.


Monday, Nov 24, 103
I can make a fool out of myself without your assistance.. Thank you very much.
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eod @15:06 PST What is the one event you are dreading this holiday season?

Me, it'll be my stupid work Christmas party. They have been great in the past, awesome restaurants, free drinks, gifts, etc.

This year we get to stand up in front of the company and sing a song we wrote about whatever employee we end up drawing.

Huh.. Gee, I can't wait. This sounded like a good idea to somebody apparently. What is yours?


Sunday, Nov 23, 2003
Mmmm Hoppy
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eod @21:09 PST Whipped up some whicked Pen Brew this weekend. Nutty brown ale.. For now you have to travel to portland to sample it but look for it at a bar near you.

-


Sunday, Nov 23, 2003
Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink.
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clme @2:58 CST

I just wanted to let everyone know that I saw Eric Idle (of Monty Python fame) in concert on Tuesday, and it kicked ass.

If he shows up in a town anywhere near any of you I strongly recommend seeing him.


Sunday, Nov 23, 2003
Please direct all inquiries to someone who cares.
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clme @2:24 CST I enjoy customer service stories for some reason. I think the suffering of others makes my time in the service industry seem much more bearable.

Recently someone (doomy) posted a rant in the message boards about someone that was able to use google, but apparently couldn't actually read. Her story follows:

D. N. S., of Murdock, FL is in dire need of his birth certificate! However, the necessary application form is not in his sweaty little palms, and his attempts at searching the internet prove fruitless! Whatever shall our intrepid hero do? Why, fire off an acerbic letter to the State of of his birth, of course!
"Please send me a Birth Certificate Application Form. I have enclosed a SASE, per the directions on your web site.

Incidentally, the Federal Government does this far more efficiently. All forms are available on line, for copying. This saves both the applicant and the State the cost of mailing this request, and the cost of returning the form to the applicant. Also the lag time involved is considerably shortened. I estimate it will be about two weeks from the time I mail this, until I actually have the form in my hot little hands. For a change the Feds did something right, and I think it would behoove us to emulate them.

Thank you,
D. N. S."

Seething with rage at his inability to locate a birth certificate application online, he marches down to his local post office unit and throws it into the mailbox! A few days later it is received by his archnemesis, CASSY, Keying Temp of Destiny, who reads his letter, rolls her eyes, and with a mighty "HARRRRR" folds an application and inserts it into the SASE. But this response is not worthy enough for our hero Mr. S.! Miss Cassy dares to Google the State Vital Records website, and locates the longlost application online in a matter of FIVE CLICKS, in a quite obvious spot on the "How do I apply?" page! The corners of her mouth upturned in the smirk of the righteous, she removes the envelope from the SASE, scribbles the URL on the back of the application, and returns it to its SASE-atorial destination. She then seals the envelope and drops it in the outgoing mailbox, to be mailed out to Mr. S. exactly 20 minutes after she received it. Lag time, indeed!

If you have your own customer service story you would like to share, please email me here with the topic "Customer Service Story", or post it on our message board.



Wednesday, Nov 19, 2003
Avert your eyes.
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clme @23:58 CST

Someone sent a link to me in an instant message today, and I had to watch it through about 5 times before I caught what was wrong.

The link is here:
CowBoysBlooper.RAM
(500k, RealMedia)

A few warnings: First of all, it IS realmedia. A few posts down eod links to an alternative to realplayer if you are interested. Secondly, there is no sound on the clip. Thirdly, if you have trouble finding out whats wrong, start watching the background.



Wednesday, Nov 19, 2003
Confessions of my side kick
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eod @16:22 PST Confession: When I was younger I would stay late after work and kick candy free from the vending machine.

Confession: I apparently still stay late after work kicking candy free from the vending machine.


Friday, Nov 14, 2003
Ever wonder what a office full of infants would yield?
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eod @10:40 PST Cry me a fucking river Microsoft. Seriously.

http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=12684

This is the whole browser war mess all over again. How come when something suddenly becomes big, it is suddenly an important embedded part of the OS?

Link to Real Alternative (with media player classic)


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