Now that Pen has been around for awhile and there seems to be reader interest, we've created a FAQ. We've put together (with a little bit of reader input) the following. If you have any questions you would like to ask, or if you think something should be added to the FAQ please contact eod or Clme

Please note that the definitions listed hereafter may not be completely accurate. If you have a better definition please contact me. :) -Chris

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*How do I get a custom Avatar/Title on the PenIs Forum?

A Title or Avatar is special text or a picture that gets placed underneath each of your posts in the penis forum.

Titles and avatars can only be bestowed upon a Pen when he/she has truly found his niche in the PenIsMightier community. Granted that niche isn't always something the person was going for, but its normally amusing to someone.

Great, eh? But HOW do you GET one?

Quite simply put you dont. Typically people's titles or avatars are bestowed upon them either when one of the admins (EOD) gets a little bit tipsy, or you do something particularly noteworthy or foul. In practice, begging for one or obviously trying to get one will typically result in one you dont care for... like Richard Simmons holding up a cake behind a picture of you, for example.

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*BBS-What is it?

BBS stands for "Bulletin Board System." BBS's were especially popular before the internet became commonplace. They used to be the only way to get warez, shareware, email, and chat. Most BBS's are text only, although many of the programs use ANSI (American National Standards Institute) compatibility for colored text and text art.

PenIs has a BBS, with games such as Trade Wars 2002, Legend of the Red Dragon (LORD), food fight, etc.

Many BBS's are now accessible using a telnet client such as hypertrm or CRT. If you are running windows 9x, you can access the windows built-in clients by going to the the start menu, and clicking "run". At the "run" box, type in "hypertrm" (without quotes) and click ok. If you get an error, then hypertrm wasn't installed. You can install it using the "add-remove programs" option in the control panel, or sacrifice color/ANSI support and just type in "telnet" in the run box instead.

There are also many very good telnet clients available for download.

You can find the current PenIs BBS IP here. Check back occasionally, the IP has been known to change without notice. BBS outages are typically unplanned, and unavoidable. Please check the Message Board and PenIs Main Page before contacting eod to complain :)

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*What is a Bitchbox?

Bitchbox is a term coined by eod (or at least he says he didn’t copy it from anyone). A Bitch box is a spare or second computer networked up with your other computers. This is considered your 1st mate or right hand man when on the Internet. It does all the big long lengthy downloading, testing of questionable emails, CD burning, abuse, and over all bitch processes that you don’t want you main box to do. Typically a bitchbox is as beefy as your spare parts allow but not a well cared for box, reboots are infrequent because performance of the bitchbox isn't important.

A bitchbox really comes in great when playing online games such as Evercrack, TFC, CS, Unreal, etc. Allowing you to ICQ, aim, check email and read penIs during downtime in a game.

The bitchbox is not limited to these processes, it can serve many other functions but the best thing is that a bitchbox allows you freedom. Main computer crash or trying to load a new OS on it and you are experiencing some downtime? Hell put that pr0n and chat habit on the bitchbox while you tinker with your main box.

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Why does eod like little boys so much?

They taste like chicken. Stop sending him those pictures.

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Mr Boo... who is he?

Mr. Boo is Biggles cat. A picture can be found here

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Is it true that Sara's breasts are shown in the PenIs contest archives?

Yes, Sara (forum regular and rare Pen poster) does in fact have a picture of her breasts in the now defunct PenIs contest submission page.

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*What the hell does buck futter mean?

Both "buck futter" and "penismightier" came from Sean Connery's character on Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy. Buck Futter => Butt Fucker.

Besides... The name PenIsMightier is just something that cant be passed up.

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"What is with Clme's obsession with cake?

Clme says:
"I like cake" started out as something to say during dead time in internet/bbs chat. If no one had said anything for awhile, I would pop in with "You know... I really like cake".

I was really recycling an old joke (circa 1992) from The Onion, back before they had a website. The onion weekly paper used to have corny T-shirt ads with little random phrases on them. Many people in my area purchased these shirts, and they were popular enough my Senior class T-Shirt was done on that theme (the shirt was all white and said, simply, "I get to leave").

An example of one of these ads can be found here. Other classics include "You are dumb" and "I am a member of a promising local band".

In fact, an old front page from a vintage "Onion" can be found here

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*Crackwhore?

See "Katie"

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*Are eod and Weis really 45 year old Dentists?

Yes, they are living a lie. All this time you thought that eod was some 20-something tech working at an insurance company, he was really getting r00t on some canals! I think that Weis explains it best:

Sometimes I get mail telling me about the fun Satan has in store for me when I die, on account of some of my more questionable posts, and I'd like to clear a couple of things up. You have to understand- in real life, me and Eod are refined, yuppie 45-year old dentists. We drive minivans, smoke tobacco in our pipes, and we take our families to the Symphony to provide the same refinement we enjoy to our whiny-ass kids. Seriously, we're total tools.

We just use this website to blow off steam. We made up these identities for ourselves so we could get away with more stuff. You see, if our doctor/lawyer type friends discovered our penchants for amusing pr0n and recreational pharmaceuticals, it could get us kicked out of the best golf resorts. So we got together and created these personas of twenty-something asshole kids who do tech support for a living and spend all their free time tinkering with computers and websurfing. We thought it would appeal more to the youngsters, with their dot-coms and their baggy pants and their pagers and what-not.

So with that said, I present the following pictures. They disgust me, and I think they're just awful, and I would never show them to my tennis-club friends or let my teenage children look at them. I'm only putting them here to continue the charade that I'm some punk kid who likes this sort of filth. So, if you're offended by it, then clearly you didn't understand it - it's a social commentary on the vulgarity of modern media. The basest artistic depictions always belie our basest fantasies, and therefore they convey artistic truth; surely, they cannot be subjected to your mere moral standards.

On the other hand, if you like this sort of shit, If these kinds of pictures make you giggle so hard that you spill the bong, then, um, no explanation needed.

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*What is doomypr0n?

For that I directed the question to Doomy herself, who was nice enough to write a definition for the FAQ:

The term doomypr0n refers to a series of nearly 100 pictures and several videos with varying levels of naughtiness that Doomy304 (a girl) made alone over the course of the year 2002.

Can I have some? Probably, but Doomy won't give it to you herself; you'll have to find other sources (lord knows there are plenty of them).

Why not? In early 2002, when Doomy was just beginning to distribute pictures (the videos didn't come till much later), her modus operandi was: "If I meet them in IRC and they don't come off as a total asshole immediately, I will give them pics." Naive, yes. One day in the Pen IRC channel, she met an 18-year-old Canadian who called himself phreak22. They seemed to hit it off, and she sent him a few pics of herself, at least one of which was doomypr0n. Later in the evening, after more chatting, he began begging to show her pictures of his penis. She refused. He asked if she would also let her French roommate see them, because it would arouse him. She blocked him in AIM and IRC. He began plaintively whining to everyone else that it was all a misunderstanding, but she told them all about the dick pics incident (as well as several pictures he'd sent her of himself drunk and vomiting) and he lost most of his credibility. Phreak22 left the IRC channel after a week or two, but not before giving his doomypr0n pic to a friend of his named RocKo, who also hung out in the IRC channel. RocKo had such high moral character that he was planning on breaking up with his 16-year-old girlfriend who would do anything for him, but not until immediately after he'd taken her virginity. RocKo uploaded the pic to his server, posted the link in the IRC channel, and the rest is history. Many people, some of which Doomy didn't even know, suddenly had access to a pic of her boobs, and that incident, followed by subsequent distribution incidents and an actual hotlinking in the Pen forums, caused her to quit making or distributing doomypr0n altogether.

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*What the Hell does DYJGTIY, DYJGTIT, or one of the other DYJG variants MEAN man?

DYJGTIY means: Did You Just Get the Internet Yesterday.
DYJGTIT means: Did You Just Get the Internet Today.
Other variants are similar.

This is meant as an insult to mean that the link, picture, or pr0n you posted is quite old, and shouldnt' be interesting to anyone who has had their computer for more than a day. Unfortunately this has started getting applied to links, news stories, etc that are only a day or two old :)

The first occurance of "Did You Just Get The Internet Yesterday" can be attributed to Xclusive069 from the forum. The post in question is here.
Update: Possible older source HERE.

Yes... PenIsMightier. Bringing you new insults FIRST!

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*Was Jimbo really in ep-sample.avi and just squinted his eyes to look Chinese? (link to ep-sample follow at a later date)

Jimbo says:
Didn't have to squint - I was "Samurai Dad" off-camera, telling Marcel (who was squinting to look Japanese, thank you) to finish the last bit off the floor.

Can't stand a mess, I can't. HAI!

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*Family Tree?

Psyci was nice enough to put together a nice little family tree showing how the PenIs family fits together. You can veiw it here

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*What does "Fenomas" mean?

"Fenomas" backwards is "Samonef" and "Samonef" means the same that "Fenomas" means, except it would be backwards.

(There is rumor that it means "Faith No More" in Spanish, but this hasn't been confirmed)

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Is it true that Fen was conceived by two gay men?

Fen was not conceived! He was spontaneously created by dark forces to invade the far east. His mission was to take over the world with scat pr0n and subversive messages hidden in flash animation.

His 'brother' Weis was spontaneously created on the opposite side of the world to bring balance and good to the Americas.

It was an experiment that failed. Lesson learned: Dont fool with majiks.

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*What is: Fnord?

You gotta read the Illuminatus trilogy, by Robert Anton Wilson. Sorry, there are no cliffs notes.

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*What is this I hear about a stolen Fridge?

Shortly after moving into the Pen Complex, eod and Sara noticed that they had a very erratic refrigerator. It absolutely refused to work more than a few days without shutting down.

They complained to the apartment manager for over three months, but nothing happened and they resigned themselves to not having any cold food. Three months later, due to unforseen circumstances, Josh moved out of the apartment nextdoor. This left eod next to an apartment for which he had keys, and which had a working refrigerator.

They decided to do a refrigerator swap and went out to rent a dolly. This proved to be an adventure as well.. as a refrigerator-sized dolly is not easy to find, or fit into a Volkswagen.

The Fridges were swapped, but then came the next problem.. The replacement refrigerator from the nextdoor apartment was too large for the hole cut in the cabinetry. Sara and Weis spent many hours with Ginsu knives hacking away at the cabinets to get the extra room. Yes, I said Ginsu knives.

From there all went well for 6 more months. Then, at 6am a phone call is recieved from the Manager. It seems that she has a new refrigerator for them, but it has to be installed right away. After hurried apartment cleansing, the manager is let in. Attempts are made to tell her that perhaps the next door neighbours need a new fridge instead, but to no avail. "But... dont you want this one? Its frost free!" was the only response.

Two new refrigerators, One year.

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*What is the Pen Graffiti Board?

The penIs graffiti board is a new feature that appears in the left bar of the site. It allows you to post messages to other pen readers much like a guest book, but it only keeps the last twenty messages visible.

If you need assistance in using the pen graffiti board, please post your question on the graffiti board. :)

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*What is 'Grue'?

"Grue" is a reference to an old (most say original) text adventure game, called "Zork". It has been divided into 3 different parts and there were many spinoffs. If you have never heard of this game, download it now! Versions exist for Dos/Windows based machines and many other platforms.

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Our own Fenomas, for a short time, used the name "Grue" in his first several posts. We have even less idea what a "fenomas" is than we do a "Grue".

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*Hagbard?

"Hagbard" is the name given to a computer in the PenIs main office. Its overclocked to 1000mgz and has 512mb of memory. Currently it is hosting the BBS and the PenIs FTP server.

More specs may appear here at a later date.

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*I want to write for PenIsMightier. How does one go about doing that?

Any submissions/samples/love-letters should be sent to eod. If he likes it you may see it on PenIs.

Sorry, PenIs does not actively take applications for posters. All decisions in that regard are made by eod.

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*What Is Katie?

"Katie" is (or was) an underaged girl who was mentioned on penIs awhile back by Weis. She has a website that sells "almost-nude" pictures of her.

There was supposedly a controversy involving her and some "completely-bare-ass underage-nude" pictures. In all pictures I've seen (clothed or non), she looks completely stoned or cracked out. This girl can NOT be healthy.

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*Magoo, Mr

For a description of Mr. Magoo, I feel its best described in a post eod did some time ago:

'If you don't know the stories of Mr. Magoo, your lame. He is our deaf in both ears, and almost legally blind apartment repair man. Who has not only shocked himself once in our apartment trying to install a base board heater but twice in the same day doing the same thing. He seemed enlightened when I offered to flip the breaker off for the power. Yes he is also the one who told us not to worry about the smoke coming from out fuse box, which later turned into a fire and which we had no electricy for 2 days.'

*Pagehacks -- What are they?

Pen's main page posters occasionally imbibe in too much alchohol(etc) and have been known to update the main page with some rather interesting defacements or complete redesigns. Most of these stay up for about 24 hours and are then taken down when the creator realizes what he has done.

Of course, at least one pen page design was actually started as a page hack and just never changed back.

Eod was kind enough to put together a page dedicated to the mainpage hacks of the past, located HERE. Enjoy.

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*PenIsMightier Origins

PenIs originated in November 1999 as a project of its Founder Eod. It was originally run from his apartment on a DSL line, (from a 300mgz linux box running Apache) and had only a few (then very active) posters.

When the site started to become more popular, and Power problems severely reduced reliability (see Mr. Magoo), it was moved to an outside server. This gave much more bandwidth, and allowed pictures/movies to be stored on server. The downside? They had to put up banner ads and encounter frequent rule changes/negotiations with bla-bla.

Over time the layout of the site (and the number of posters) has changed several times.

During the early parts of 2002, problems with webhosting again plagued the pen site. After a brief period where all access to the site was turned off due to a misunderstanding with banner displays, the site began preparations to move to the 'sleazysolutions' host. The message board was moved first, and the rest of the site followed when the time required to load the main page exceeded 30 seconds. Reliability and speed has been much higher since.
All of this (and much, much more) has helped make PenIs what it is today. Eod still likes to check in on us from time to time, and we let the old guy do some work on an old typewriter in the back.


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*What does 'Penternet' mean?

Penternet is the collective term for the projects/servers/fetishes of the Penis Staff. PenIs, the BBS, Game Servers, etc are all considered part of the PenIs Penternet.

The credit for naming the Penternet goes to Mightymon. He came up with the term during a public flamewar with me. Here is the better part of it:

As for you, Clme, you and that catheter fixation are a dangerous mix. I know you wait, day and night, for me to say something in a public place just to throw in the word "catheter". You dream of that word, all the letters turning into small, hollow plastic tubes, which then link all penii the world over into a massive Penternet where we communicate in urine streams and gentle catheter tugs.

I know, too, that you steal miles of catheter tubing from the pharmacy section of your grocery store and make "modern art" out of it. It's quite a thing to see, too. Reminds one of macaroni-and-cardboard creations of kindgergarden days. Except more large-scale, covering walls. But about the same amount of piss as is found in the works of kindergardeners. The smell is awful but the NEA loves it, so I guess you've stumbled upon something.

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*How do I get a custom title on the PenIs Forum?

See Avatar.

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*What does "Weishaupt" mean?

Weishaupt is the name of the founder of the illuminati. See "What is Fnord" for more on the Illuminati.

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*Whose pen IS mightier?

There is no spoon.

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*Where did the site name come from?

See Buck Futter.

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How cool is it to do X at a LAN party?

switch (X) {

case "UT" : 
return("Good use of a PII400.");break;

case "swap MP3s" : 
return("Dude, that's not legal");break;

case "Counterstrike" : 
return("Coolio.");break;

case "HomoErotic Man-Love" : 
return("I'm busy that day, but Biggles is free.");break;

case "Doom" : 
return("Old school like the Run's House tour.");break;

case "E" : 
return("Young man, I will confiscate that glowstick.");break;

case "D&D" : 
return("I cast Mordenkainen's Lucubration on the cake.");break;

default : 
return("Baby Ruth!");
}