Lack of posts.-- eod 2:09PM PST

There have been no posts the past few days because bla-bla felt it was time to randomly change our pw. We are up and going again.

Cream filled crack rocks.-- eod 2:07PM PST

If I ever went to prison and someone tried to start trouble with me, I'd make a shank out of my toothbrush. I wouldn't use a normal tooth brush but the kind with a hold at the end so I could string some floss through the hole. So when they shake down my cell I could shove the toothbrush up my ass but not loose it. That'll learn em.

Saturday, September 23, 2000

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD II --jeer - 8:30 PM EST

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day these United States will be transformed into a situation where little zombie boys and zombie girls will be able to join hands with little living boys and living girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

That being said I'll quickly touch on the drama that has ensued here recently.

I really don't understand all the hubbub. I mean it was so obviously a joke that I can't believe six posts resulted from it (not including this one). Despite my can of whoop ass I admittedly am a little frightened by the thought of settling it 'personally'. I'm sure the slap boxing and windmills that would quickly follow upon our meeting would be brutal if not fatal. I don't know there is anything to settle but if you(cyd) want a friendly round or two of quake, I'm game.

( Roo, my evil alter ego. )

In my defense I have to say if I'm known for anything it's this kind of thing. It's one of my favorites. Jesus, I'm such a fucking bastard.

i decided to call j33r, kiss and make up. now doesn't it make you feel better? absofuckinglutely!

Wait.. You mean Dr Dre doesn't have his PHD?-- eod 12:07PM PST

Ok the last mp3 I posted up was just the audio version of summonersgeeks. So fine, it wasn't that exciting but I promise this next one is better. Ratatak had this mp3 of steven hawkings rapping. Which I for one found wonderfully hilarious. Listen to it.

Zippyronomy 6:15 --Zippy @2:00 PM EST

" for the LORD your Zippy, who is among you, is a jealous Zippy and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land."

Kiddies, please, if we're going to get into this, let's do it right. We can set up some mattresses out back and have Cyd and Jeer wrestle for the title of Most Anal. Such drama here. My my, what have we become? I say, if you want drama, then what better than the story of a young girl and her forbidden love for a stuffed bear?

Part 1, Parts 3 - 5 coming soon

Diablo is my bitch

ezekiel 25:17 --cyd @2:50 am pst

sara, i challenged jeer to a quake match to settle the matter. was i any more "serious" than he? i am aware that it was friendly joking in that brash jeer way, and i responded in the like because i found it enertaining to do so. and eod and i dealt with our lover's spat over email, as it should be. i thought he handled it like more of a man than i did, as a matter of fact. and jeer, i'm sure you know i don't expect to be taken seriously, so why should i take others seriously, either? as far as personal issues, let's try to handle things in such an adult manner over email (or in person).

I'd like a pepsi with my erlrichda combo.--sara1:56 AM PST

I personally find it humorous that you (Cyd) find every little fuck up Jeer has ever made to build a case and then suggest he lighten up.. you were obviously more disturbed than you let on to. Not to mention this situation seems very similar to one which happened with you and eod not long ago via email.. you policing the code is growing tedious. Though I generally wouldnt like to take sides in a situation such as this in such a public fashion I think it has been pretty obvious thusfar that jeer is a fairly judgemental ass and you are not the first nor will you be the last person he directs his opinions towards. Not to mention jeer was joking.. to call you a white Supremacist, lolita/scat enthusiast based on a site you chose to link to dealing with neither of those issues has little ground to stand on and I have therefore deducted his post may indeed be the same type of black humor which you refer to as making our site what it is. I think you should heed your own advice and erlrichda.. We have a variety of readers some of whom dislike one or another of us. Personally I like the ability we all have as posters to speak our minds (bitching included) after all.... that is why we are a part of this website.

Friday, September 22, 2000

well, allow me to retort --cyd@11:31 pm pst mister jeer. thank you for giving feedback in a public forum. *cough*tact*cough* however, i will defend to the death your right to say that what i post sucks. this being true, i am not guilty of anything other than thinking that single link was funny and that each and every post need not be a masterpiece. not that yours are, it's just that i don't care. you can post whatever drivel you want to post. but if you want to call the kettle black, you copied my header, and that's why your post has the same name number mine does. i uncharacteristically refrained from correcting your coding mistake *this* time, so that readers could see for themselves. outside of this hypocricy, look back at august first, when you posted two lines of text about how you ran out of toilet paper, and i posted my thoughts about the essence of being, and of the evolution of consciousness, even as i posted about how speaking of it defied it, purely out of, as you say, respect for our readers. and if you can see behind the apparent paradox of that statement, there may be hope for you yet. when you're done checking out august first, check out august fifteenth, the day you ripped on our site design. you are a bitter, bitter man. which, by the way, makes it hard for me to understand why you did not think this card was funny. honestly, this card is exactly the sort of black humor upon which the greatness of this site was founded. ok, so i didn't have much more to say. give me a break, i had five minutes before work. what, pray tell, is the bar you have set which all posters must jump over before something is "worthy" of posting? does it have to be something involving toilet paper? i thought the shit was funny. sometimes i think your shit is funny. sometimes you are full of shit. whatever, who cares, and most of all, erlrichda, or its loosely translated english version, lighten up. sometimes i just want to say that i liked something that someone else created. are art galleries detestable, too, for showcasing the art of others? i don't exactly know how changing the label from "ensure" to "whoop-ass" is gonna help you, the can is full of the same shit. now stop bitching about what others are doing, and worry about your own ass. luv, cyd.

p.s. why don't we settle this like men? bring your computer over, and we'll play quake for it. even *you* ought to think that'd be "good copy", and whomever loses has to make a post about how they are a whiny bitch, and then we can quit wasting our readers' bandwidth with said bitching, which smacks of the disrespect to our readers of which you spoke.

r00t of evil. --jeer4:34 PM EST

Up until now I've kept my mouth shut because I'm soft and fragile like a woman. Well I've replaced the label on an old can of pinto beans with one entitled 'Whoop Ass'. Seeing as how I now have some preserved, hand packed, out of season whoop ass to defend myself with....

Cyd, you've been eating paint chips again. The afore mentioned web site sucked. In fact a lot of the links suck. And to be brutally honest I think most web sites suck. It truly saddens me when one of the penis crew supplies nothing but a link. A lonely, wretched link at that. A link that says 'I don't respect the readers.' See I'd always held my dear PenIs high above the rest.

You see when a writer merely displays a link it says 'I'm too busy with my white supremacy meetings and lolita/scat porn to be bothered with a lowly reader.' It shows that you have delusions of your own self worth and believe original content to be nothing more than frivolity not worth your time.

Shame on you Cyd. Shame.

It's atrocities like this that make me question the existence of god.

Cyd: white Supremacist, lolita/scat enthusiast. He doesn't respect you.

this site gets the PenIs stamp of approval. be sure to check out the cards section. i usually hate e-cards, but don jones is pretty fucking witty.

Thursday, September 21, 2000

There was enough cheese under my balls for 2 sandwichs-- eod 8:23PM PST

I've been doing all sorts of creative banking lately, transfering funds too and fro all the live long day, I was quite content today until I stumbled upon something that disturbed me. The first 5 checks of my new pack of checks had some designs that I could "test drive" incase the next time I order more checks that I may want to pick from these designs.

As much as I like "Treasured moments" and the "Victorian Garden" I do not want to be seen paying for anything in public with these. I have nothing against cats but I don't want a basket full of kittens on my checks. Got it? It's nice of them to let me "test drive" these but maybe they could check out the demographic and send me some with some guns or porn on it. So what do I do, do I scrap the first 5 checks? I'll have to use these checks for paying bills, and I'll attach a note to the clerk who gets to opens the mail "I do not have a check book full of "Kitten Joy".. Seriously.."

save the choking babies --cyd@5 pm pst

sweet. i got paid $22/hour to arrive late and leave early for a cpr/first aid class. while there, the 5 o'clock news came to film us for use in a story regarding the stunning absence of training for those individuals whom one would imagine would be required to know cpr and first aid. among those who are not trained, are officers of the law, 911 dispatchers (so they could talk someone through administering cpr or first aid), and counselors or apparently anyone at boot camp. a fifteen year old kid there went into arrest, and no one at the camp or at 911 was able to help him. the emt's who arrived over an hour later could have helped him if he hadn't been so decidedly non-corporeal. so the moral of the story is: everyone should get as many jobs at once as they can which specifically require cpr and first aid training, and immediately take the class so they can get paid by each job totalling inordinate sums of money for learning something societally beneficial.

Thanksgiving in my pants.. pass the country gravy please.-- eod 2:23PM PST

Today I figured out why the electric razor I bought was only $19.95... Because it rips the hairs our instead of actually cutting them. The thing is so dull when you move it along in hopes of cutting facial stubble, it just chews on them but never cuts them. So after a nice facial ripping session, I look in the mirror and admire all the small bleeding plugs on my face. I think to myself "Sexy.."

The voices, they're coming back! -- jeer 7:41AM EST

EOD, I've had the the the DnD thing in it's entirety ( with visuals ) on the server for weeks. I think it's worth the 15megs, easy. You can get it here. Trust me, It's worth it. It's in some weird video format so don't fret the .exe

Update: Oops. It seems I totally forgot I had turned off hardware acceleration so ignore the death threats. Let the carnage begin! =)

Also (in addition to the fact that EOD is a complete schmuck), I haven't been able to play quake. The projectile vomiting and cold sweats have become even more frequent than ever. I can feel the life draining from my veins.

Now what does this mean to you the PenIs reader? Well if I don't get some ownage on it's hello kitty for this puppy! I will kill this cute innocent puppy god damn it! Now do you really want that on your conscious ?

Now, as to why I am unable to indulge in the glorious spectacle of violence known as Q3A?

I've reinstalled my voodoo3, the drivers and OpenGl. I've reinstalled quake as well as windows. I've removed any programs that my be conflicting with it. I've even tried things such as wick3d.

Nothing!

Dorkolympics -- weishaupt 12:20AM PST

You know, sometimes you're surfing around randomly, looking for something new, unusual, dirty, shocking; you're bored, doing random searches on google, clicking promiscuously through shitty-looking links pages, experimenting with half-forgotten entries in your Favorites folder. And then, sixteen clicks deep into a cached pile of completely valueless sites you come across something truly disturbing. Something that makes you long for a forgotten decade when the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye, back when the average college student had never seen barnyard porn.

I found a site like that last night. You see, I think I may have discovered the world's biggest dork. The lad pictured to the left, who (aside from being mind-blowingly goofy looking) lacks the good sense to keep his real name off his webpages, is Grant Paplauskas. Grant (seen here with his bitches) is a recent graduate of, and current Webmaster for, Trinity Christian College. Now, if graduating from a Bible college is somewhat dorky, webdesigning for one has to be exponentially worse. And you have to admit, his picture (he also lacks the good sense to keep his picture off of his websites) is a monument to dorkness as well. But is that the end of his impressive dork resume? Oh, lordy no.

Grant here is also the designer of the magnificent Hollywood Jem webpage. Even a cursory look through the pages on his site will show you that there is something very wrong with this person. Right about the time you're thinking, "Yeah, okay, I get the point, this dude is a butt-ranging bible-thumping World Class dork, so what?" you'll try the link to Like A Dream: the JEM Roleplay Adventure. This has to be the absolute nadir of internet fecundity. Look around. Yeah, you guessed it, its a bunch of (otherwise) normal people who spend their free time writing fan fiction based around the characters of a poorly-drawn 80's cartoon. And a shitty one, at that.

Do I even need to go on? Can any sane adult doubt that these people are damaged goods? And Grant Paplauskas, uberdork, is their ringleader. Now, I'm not saying people should be judged by every strange little thing they post on the net, but go check the Archives of the roleplaying thing. Three years they've been doing this! That's not a hobby, that's an obsessive disorder. In fact, the most bizarre detail is that the designer and contributors aren't even embarassed enough to hide their identities.

I may be beating a dead horse here. If you're not convinced by his picture, his job, and his disturbing little pastime that this man is the all-time USDA choice dork of a lifetime (as well as being gay as a three-dollar bill), then you never will be. On the other hand, perhaps you feel sorry for the poor bastard. Some of you probably think I've been a little tough on old Grant and his ugly-ass dog, so you'll probably want to drop him an encouraging note to help bolster his spirits. Or, if you're particularly outraged at my pointless insults, perhaps you should just call him and express your condolences personally: his number is (708) 239-4888 (See Grant? Another good reason to keep your real name off your creepy little page). But even if you do feel sorry for him, or think I'm being unfair, there's one thing you can't argue with: at the Twit of the Century awards, this guy's gonna be a contender.

wednesday, September 20, 2000

be agressive, B-E agressive B-E-A-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! .-- eod 11:33AM PST

Well after much waiting I have recieved my i-opener today via the boys in brown, UPS. Only problem is that this one has been tampered with by the company. They removed a few of the ide pins to prevent hacking it into something useful. So it seems I have either version 1 or version 2. So with Josh's steady soldiering hand, we'll add the pins back and get this bad boy running a real OS.

tuesday, september 19, 2000

addendum to fen's diary--cyd@8:35 pm pst

i don't know what in the hell is going on in this country, but did anyone who saw the horror movie spoof nike ad feel offended by the content (ie. not get the joke)? apparently someone did, because nbc got thousands of calls from irate viewers, causing them to take the commercial off the air. it was actually pretty funny. it was a spoof of your average horror flick, where the ubiquitous hot chick gets chased by a bemasked chainsaw wielder. she eventually outlasts him, and he's forced to give up the chase, presumably because she had nike shoes. it's well done tasteless humor, and farbeit for PenIs to endorse that sort of thing. and just when i thought we'd broken from the 50's mentality. sheesh.

Moonday, September 18, 2000

Fen's Olympic Diary, Day Two -- fenomas 12:20PM JST

The Olympics are just out of control. Too many sports, too many athletes, too much money flowing between too many sponsors, too many advertisers, and too many IOC committee members'nephews' cousins. It's all headed for disaster, and you know why? Because it's getting to be bad TV. I mean, everyone likes Wheel Of Fortune, right? But would you watch good ol' Pat and Vanna if there were eighty-five wheels, with twelve contestants at each, all going simultaneously? And they all had different rules? Of course not. Too much info, not enough hooks, and no-one can remember which of these gazillion people was the teacher who once walked Nixon's dog. And if I don't care about the contestants, then I don't care who wins, except for blind nationalism, which is one of the only two things keeping the games alive (the other being that after four years no-one remembers that they wound up ignoring most of the previous Olympiad).

To illustrate one facet of this problem, I saw some chick on TV the other day who was a beach volleyball player. Apparently beach volleyball is in the games for the first time this year. And, when asked about finally making it to the Olympics, she said something like, "Well, it's been a long time in coming. I mean, it's about time someone finally started taking our sport seriously."

To her, I say, "Fuck you! Judo was around for 80 years before entering the Olympics, and it has just arrived compared to running and swimming and the like. Nobody owes you a trip to Sydney, and even though you may have devoted your life to volleyball, 99% of the world doesn't give a shit. I bet those guys who do tricks with lasso's and shit at rodeos would like to be there too, but we can't expand the Olympics to include every little goddam sport or pasttime any idiot ever thought of.

That's why I propose the following: Start from scratch. Every sport gets thrown out, all at once, from the biathlon to the marathon. Then anybody who wants their sport admitted can apply, and a committee (or, if you prefer, me) will decide which sports get into the next Olympiad based on the following factors:

1. History	I know no-one watches Greco-Roman wrestling anymore, but if it's been in the games for a millenia, it stays.
2. Participation / Crowd Appeal	Even if you think it's slow, Soccer is the most played and watched sport on earth. Therefore, it's in.
3. Common Sense	This basically means that golf doesn't get in. Ever.

That's all. If a sport wants in, it has to apply. Basketball? Sure. Ping-pong? Probably. Air Pistol Target Shooting? We'll get back to you. And if anyone has new sports that have never been in before, go ahead and submit those too. Why stop at the biathlon, where people have to ski a couple miles and then shoot target rifles? Why not have one where contestants have to bike for ten kilometers and then, say, box? Or fish, or something. If you can get the crowds behind you, its in the games.

That's my proposal. I think with a little common sense and hard work, we can put together a television event that will really draw consumers to advertising like never before. Whaddya think?

Sunday, September 17, 2000

Fen's Olympic Diary, Day One -- fenomas 9:20AM JST

I know I'm a bit late with this, but we had a long weekend over here in Japan. Oddly, The start of the Olympics fell on a national holiday here, so I have been viewing plenty of Olympic goodness. Here is part one of my series of thoughts on this quatri-annual sweat-fest.

I have to say I enjoyed Sydney's opening ceremony more that any I have seen before, which is to say none of them. Did anyone watch this extavaganza? Okay, parts blew, but huge steaming chunks of this sprawling four hour show were like a monkey circus on acid. First there's some Aussie twins-from-Full-House clone walking around with a fat sweaty black guy, then there's two hundred people running around spitting fire and pushing a giant flame-belching junkyard-parts dragon on wheels. Some of them floating around in the sky, mind you. Then out come four hundred Aussie-bred lassses to remake Stomp, and these aren't your typical leggy Hollywood types, these are Australian anyone's-neighbor kick-your-ass-if-you-call-them-Sheila type women. I say, hats off to Australia for finally putting fat homely people where the belong- at the Olympics.

Here are the standings, as of the end of the opening ceremony:

First Place	Spain, for having its women athletes enter the ceremony visibly bra-less.
Second Place	The World Olympic Drum and Bugle Corps Band. Ain't nothin' like a little drum and bugle corps, even if you're straining to hear it over two Japanese announcer-dildos chattering about what time it is back home in Japan (a fact of which most of the audience, watching live from Japan, need not be informed).
Honorable Mention	Japan, for having the courage to wear really really stupid capes on the entrance march. If Hanae Mori designs a turd, it's still a turd.
Automatic Disqualification	Australia, for even letting Olivia Newton-John into the goddamn stadium. What were they thinking? Couldn't they have given her a fake address, or told her the games were cancelled?

dammit, cyd where have you been?--cyd@5:45 pm pst

why hast thou forsaken us, cyd?

good question. for starters, i've been working 65.5 hour weeks at two jobs, both in the mental health field. i was also on the multnomah county mental health design team, attending meetings and writing papers.

ok, that's all well and good, but i believe i asked you a question?

oh yeah, the forsaking and what-not. well, i have been working such ungodly hours partly so i could afford my sweet brand spanking new computer, complete with antec server case, asus a7v mb, amd athlon thunderbird 900 mhz cpu, sound blaster live! platinum sound card, the sweet new intellimouse explorer, quantum fireball plus lm 7200 rpm 30 gb hard drive, a crappy video card that is not yet up to specs, and to top it all off, a 21" sony trinitron monitor, which arrived last friday.

that doesn't explain why you abandoned us, cyd. we're really hurt by your apparent lack of caring.

i'm getting to that. be patient. anyway, until now, all of my posts and updates have been from weishaupt's computer. well, after dealing with nearly every problem imaginable, here i am, finally posting from my lumbering beast of a computer. so the wait was partly because i was spending all of my free time trying to get this beast running, and partly in the name of being a purist. it has mostly, however, been because it is difficult as hell to ftp into bla-bla. waiting for me to have gotten past the last hurdle of overcoming bla-bla's ftp issues (which i must have if you are reading this) will pay off, though. my posts will likely be much more relaxed, now that i can view online boobies or needless cruelty, all from the comfort of my own desk and chair.

Saturday, September 16, 2000

Here try the Slurpee straw to suck it out of there-- eod 11:05AM PST

My webcam has been down the past few days, I'm having some trouble locating Win2k drivers for my video capture card, not that I actually turned the webcam on that often.

I'm leaving out of town again, this is beginning to become quite a regular habit of mine. Work for a few days and then leave town for a few days.. Work is not amused to say the least but this will be my last chance to do something like this before I start another my last big push of school, in effort to graduate by Winter quarter of 2001.

While I'm gone play graalonline (it's free). A multiplayer Zelda (SNES version) type online game, great fun.

Your mission? To locate jeer in the game and slay his ass.

The bad man touched me *here*.-- jeer 6:22 AM EST

Sara: lets change the topic
Me: Good news, I seem to have gotten linux running. Bad news, my mbr was lost. I hate linux, I really do. But I can't let it beat me. I'm going to smack it with my dick and make it my bitch!

Me: I should do that to all future girl friends I've played the nice guy..I always lost. I should start treating girls like I do computers. I hit them when they don't do what I want.

I think I spoke for everyone here at penis when I said that. In fact let's play with that sentence shall we?

You should start treating girls like I do computers. Hit them when they don't do what you want.

Yeah, that's better. Don't you think?

Jesus fuck, I am so thoroughly unimpressed by linux's 133tness. I've spent the better part of 24 hours trying against all odds to get it running. Multiple installs upon multiple installs. Be it crashing during install or lilo flopping or what the fuck ever. Christ, for such a superior os it sure it turning out to be a steaming pile of puppy poop. I've ran it before on one of those rare instances where it installs properly and was lucky enough to play the coolest game that came with Gnome, 'I don't support any of your hardware so it's time to go driver hunting!'.

For those of you installing or reinstalling redhat, here's a great link. Fezbox basically creates a custom bootdisk based on various questions. It's actually pretty damn sweet. It saves you the trouble of screwing with netcfg, lets you decided on whether to install even the smallest packages, everything you could already do but with a little more ease and control.

Also, the redesign and shirts are coming soon. Within a week I guage.