December 1999 16th-31st

Yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while. I haven't called my folks, I haven't got a job (yet) either. But oh, have I been a productive little fucker. You guys have no idea. For starters, the BP-6 powered s00per d00per win2k machine is up and running. The Quaking will begin at 1100 MHz. Furthermore, the place is clean(er) and the webcam is up and running on 30 second updates in honor of the "party" such as it is. No one is on it, because, well, we're upstairs drinking mixed drinks. But don't worry, I'll try to talk some gracious lady into flashin the cam for any poor bastard - and you know you're a poor bastard if you're actually watching this sorry-ass party via webcam from your lonely little apartment. Happy New Year!

The PenIs party is on its way. The keg is outside chilling for tonight, hopfully Weishaput is cleaning up his pad. I almost got my DJ friend from Seattle to come down and spin but no go, he "ain't got no ride". As mentioned before the webcams will be on for the party so anyone who feels like joining us is welcome to pop by the cams and grab a beer. Maybe the chicks will do some webcam stuff for ya, go ahead and throw out some requests. Hell its worth a try.. =)
Josh will hopfully make his appearance arouned 11:49pm or so, if he can run that fast from work to the party. And who knows about Zack, the pre-married life has got him pretty busy.

Well I guess this is it. The end of the millennium. And you know what really sucks! I have to work all the way up to 11:30pm tonight! or maybe later! What a sucky job huh? Oh well maybe the place I work in will have a malfunction or something and blow up! Probably not.. Well anyways, I think this will be my last post this century. So everybody go out and get loaded, drunk, stoned, stupid, smashed, hammered, and then fucking passout! See yeah on the flip side!

Wooo Woo! I just found out that for working Y2K eve and Y2K day I am entered in a chance to win $2000. This is against other co-workers and knowing my employer, a manager will win it and probably give it back. There is always something shadey going on, they've been doing bullshit things like this and rigging them since I started working here. But the vending machines being put on free mode is real. So I'll be loading up my empty milk jugs with Dr. Pepper and Sprite.

I'm at work reading through my morning emails and of course I get my daily ZDnet berst alert. All this ZDnet stuff is like the National Enquirer of the geek world. It's trashy, contradicting and way off. Course I love it, for the same reason I pick up The Weekly World News or the National Enquirer in the checkout line. For laughs.

One week Microsoft rocks, and he will tell you why they will be the best for years, but of course it is nothing but some rehashed buzz words. Next week he will say that Linux rocks and he will try to tell you some useless crap why it will be the winner in years to come. And then the next week he will write about how Microsoft rocks again and why linux is crap. Come on Berst make up your fucking mind. Your actting like a god damn manager.

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

This involes a bound man, a small half naked boy and a full bladder. Course it isn't full out r33t style. But not much is.

I hear that they rolled out the National Gaurd in some areas at supermarkets to prevent people from panicking and looting. Now does that seem like a good idea to you? Lets prevent people from freaking out by placing armed gaurds in the grocery store. The more people with guns that your average citizen sees, the better they are going to feel. Think how secure those people in Bosnia must have felt with all those armed people protecting them all the time. Honestly, do you really think that martial law in the grocery store is necessary?

Wow! after looking at Eod's last post I would say he was probally as drunk as I am now! Maybe I should give him a call? Hehe! it's only 3:10am or so! I don't think he would mind, do you? ;) Nah! Hehhe! Well I just got home from drinking with a couple of my co-workers and friends, and I feel great! I just thought that maybe I would post this just for the hell of it..... so Fuck you if you don't like it! ahhhh I'm going to bed now! Good Night!

Me: Ok just double click on the icon
Customer: Ok.. Its loading up. Hmm whats this. Says User agreement..
Me: Right
Customer: What do I do?
Me: Read it.
(3 mins has passed)Customer: Do I click agree?
Me: Sure if you agree..
Customer: What do you mean!? Just TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Me: Right. If you agree, move your mouse over the icon and click agree, if you disagree click on disagree.
Customer: Agree to what!?!?
Me: The User Agreement you just read.
Customer: Can you just tell me which one to CLICK ON!!!!
Me: Mam, I cannot tell you what to do on a legal agreement. You either..
Me: Hello?

Since we started this little endeavor, I've been playing quake under the name penismightier.com, just on the offchance that one of the yokels I pummel on will check out the page. Of course, they're probably kind of miffed that there's nothing quake-related here, but fuck em. At any rate, while playing earlier tonight, someone named Kast, referring to my name, said, "Stileproject owns you." It's kind of cool that someone recognized our URL, although to be perfectly accurate, I should point out that the only thing Stile owns is a double-wide trailer full of alphabetized foreign pornography. Well, naturally I became enraged at poor Kast, and beat him down like a frail little child. The moral of the story is: Stile may win on port 80, but penismightier rules 27960.

Oh brother! I just got sent this clip of this guy who calls himself Mr. Methane. This guy is a total fag! Apparently he went on this show in Sweden and sang a song out of his ass! Now if that's not talent I don't know what it! Maybe he'll be the next backstreet boy!

I got GT2 from my GF for xmas. And well to make this short, it has become my new time guzzling hobby. I'm sure after I trick out a few cars I'll get over it. Anyways if anyone is planning on buying it, do it, or burn it and solder in a mod chip.

I'll be returning to work tomarrow after my 4 day vacation. I get to deal with all the Y2K junk but this also means I'll be away from GT2 and have time to update.

Ahh our first time. We all remember our first experience with sex, either akward or wonderful. I found a collect here of "first times" but these have a slight twist. Check them out, I chucked them into the Crapper.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Dave. 'He's on my bowling team.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, 'You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.'

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. 'Hi Davey,' she says, 'Want your usual table dance?'

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, 'Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.'

Ok, what's happened to fashion? I know I'm behind the times and all. Some people would say that anyone who hasn't bought clothes in five years (except for some socks, underwear, and shoes) has issues, but I think the way that fashion is going is just too fucked up for words. Granted this chick is hot -- and I don't mean a little, but do you really want to see people driving around with their pc's strapped to their heads, checking their e-mail? That just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. I guess us old timers just aren't ready for that yet.

Sunday, December 26, 1999

Sorry for no Christmas update, I know I'm a little late. It was a whiskey-soaked, sobbing into the arms of a hooker kind of christmas for old weishaupt, just like back home. Fortunately, she dropped the charges. Unfortunately, the owner of the moose did not. And while I'm on the subject, go read the entire archive of Spacemoose in one sitting, it's almost guaranteed to make you dream about aggravated homosexual assault.

Christmas. Yeah. I'm sitting here at work and wishing I could be doing anything fun. What the fuck are people doing calling in to tech support on Christmas anyways? Do they really have nothing else to do? I guess I bitched enough about working yesterday, but the truth is you can never bitch enough when you work on the holidays. At least I had Christmas breakfast with the fam. That was nice. Anyways, I guess I'll wish all of you out there a merry Christmas. Somebody's gotta enjoy it.

I'll keep this short because typing on my mother's laptop really sucks. (that sentence took about 15 mins to edit out the typos). I'd just like to wish our readers and our new readers a happy holiday. Also I scored some nice shit for xmas so far. I'll update about that later. Time to go kiss more ass to butter the folks up for next year.

Yeah, I'm with eod, working on the holidays is weak. � I just got engaged yesterday (yeah, how's that for� crazy!) and had to work, I have to work tonight, and� I have to work tomorrow. I don't think there is any� help for people like me.... the tragic story of� supervisors who aren't managers. I do more work than� those lazy bastards, who are currently all off with� their families and other loved ones, and I have to� work every fucking holiday there is. How fair is� that? I don't even get paid overtime for it! All I� get is the same salary I would otherwise get, which is� not enough to make me think for a second that this is� all worthwhile. I wish I didn't have to work.... If� this story has saddened you, or touched your heart in� any way, please send me money. I would greatly� appreciate it, and it's tax deductable (well, actually� it's not, but the IRS won't mind).�

Well, I'm all sad now. Here I was, all ready to post some perfectly disgusting movies of a bukakke festival, and Comrade Immortal over at r33t went and posted them first. Well, actually r33t didnt post the whole thing, they're gonna draw it out into a miniseries. I guess I could be a prick and post the last segment just to annoy the r33tards, but I'm afraid they might invade us. So instead I'll just put a little sneak peak of the grand finale in the Crapper, to whet your thirsts. Unless of course you don't happen to be a complete sexual deviant, in which case I highly reccomend avoiding these clips.

The rice boys poem
(Unless your into cars or street racing this may not make sense)

Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light, Was a domestic V8 and no cops in sight, I will try, I will try, I will try with this small motor, To beat this damn Mustang, even with it's big blower, As light goes green and I pull like no joke, The Mustang erupts in clouds of tire smoke, Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin, These are the names of my four VTEC pistons, Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action, But I know I'm in trouble when that V8 gets traction, Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing, My mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing, I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining, All I can do is keep that four-banger straining, In a second, the shockwave hits with a blast, And my stickers go flying now, a thing of the past, Don't bother with third, cause now it's too late, Just try to act cool, like you can relate, Looking up at the taillights as they get smaller, The driver backs off just to give me a holler, "You can't win them all," he says in fling, "You may not win any," in that silly thing, I smiled and revved as he pulled out of sight, With my new mods tomorrow...it will be a better night.

Okay, Stile, let's get something straight here- If anyone's gonna be munching Sarah's box, it's gonna be me! Dammit!

Nothing like working on Xmas eve. They said they need me in here because I'm one of the only techs that can support multiple platforms. Grreeat, no extra pay just because I can do more. I should of kept my mouth shut. The managers could of run the place today. Of course we have almost a full crew with 70 windows techs doing nothing but sitting and picking their nose with 30 mins between calls. Leaves me to deal with the hicks that have windows machines but where to stupid to make the menu selection, or an iMac user.

pissy customer:How come I have a $600 dollar phonebill!!!!!??
me: I dunno you called a lot of long distance? I don't know we are just your ISP.
pissy customer: But this is one of your dialup numbers.
me: Ok so you called one of our numbers that was considered a long distance number.
pissy customer: Well AOL never charges me.
me: Right sir, we aren't charging you anything. When you dial into any isp you follow the same dialing rules when you call a friend. What happens when you call a friend out of state?
pissy bastard: Well duh I get long distance bill.
me: Exactly, which area code are you in? What areacode is the dialup number in?
pissy moaner: I'm in 818 the number is in 205.
me: Ok thats halfway across the US, so normally there would be long distance.
pissy beotch: but aol..(cut user off)
me: Sir this has nothing to do with the isp charges.
pissy hoe: I want to speak to your manager!! me: Why? Sir this is tech support, for tech problems. You'll waste your time with a manager they will tell you to talk to Customer Service or the Phone Company.
pissy whiner: So what do I do?
me: Call customer service. (But I know they won't do anything about it. It is his own stupidity)

Hey Eod, whozat on yer cam? She's pretty hot. And I'm, um, really desperate. I've heard chicks like that.

i was at work on tuesday, looking out the windows wishing i could be out in the 55 degree sunny weather, when i decided it was time to no longer sit. i got out of the office, on official business, of course, and soaked some rays into my alabaster skin. it was about 4:15, and the sun was setting on the first day of winter. i was driving, and so enthralled with the sunset, i had to snap myself back and start paying attention to the road. i went to make a lane change, and looked over my shoulder... and almost ran into the car in front of me. it was sooo beautiful. the moon was rising from the horizon, a larger than life ball of dull fiery red. it was rising through tendrils of clouds catching the pinks, oranges and purples of the last moments of the sunset. it looked like the cover of a fantasy fiction novel. i had to pull over to watch it. then, it hit me. a moment of clarity. i had almost missed the moonrise for trying to glean all i could from the departiung sun. this was quite applicable to a personal situation with a certain feminine exquisite creature, that i was breathless, and had experienced a positive paradigm shift. so, PenIsites, don't miss the growing glory for the departing beauty. :)

What's up with Stileproject these days? First he posts a fake snuff clip and openly mocks people who are taken in by it, and then he posts another fake snuff clip and gets all high and mighty about removing the link. Most of my friends think its because he's selling out to the advertisers, although I personally think it's because he showed his page to some chick he wants to nail, and she nagged him into softening up. At any rate, two comments regarding the whole shebang:

1. That video has been around for ages, and it's not hard to find. Save all that "Should I or shouldn't I allow my poor readers to see this filth" build-up for a new clip. If someone deserves shame or glory for posting it, it's the people in alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque.

2. Stile said it took "balls of steel" for Judgecal to display the fake snuff clip on his show. Nonsense. You wanna read something that took real courage to share with the world, go check out Bence's story about shitting on himself.

Ahh Shit! I just love getting off of work at 1:00am. Nice! (That's very fucking Sarcastic!) It's been a long day at work. The highlight was when some people came running in screaming to call the police, there was some fight going on outside in the parking lot. I thought hey cool! a fight! so I ran outside to cheer when I saw some fucking idiot jumping up and down on top of some chicks car yelling something about what a stupid ride she had. Then he jumped down and grabbed the girl and started screaming at her. In the process his pager fell under the back end of the car. What was really funny was when she started pulling out of the parking spot he thought it would be a good time to get under the back of the car. What a great site, a car with it's backup lights on, and a stupid idiot on the ground behind it! "Safe, Very Safe!"

Hey, has anyone seen "The Red Violin?" I just saw it last night and I thought it was pretty good. If yeah have nothing to do you should rent it.

Throw away those soap shoes, there's something even gayer on the market just in time for the holidays! Available at FAO Schwarz (Is that german for FAO penis?), the Street Flyers can deploy little rollerblade wheels from the soles. What a wonderful idea. Notice that the wheels only stick out a half-inch or so below the shoe. That way, once your child builds up a respectable downhill velocity, the first patch of uneven terrain he encounters will catch on the bottom of the shoe. This will trip your toddler and send him flying head-first into a bridge abutment, thus depriving the world of another moron. Merry Christmas!

Back by popular demand, I got some more pix from Sarah, the girl that (still) isn't screwing me at work. Just one more day to drag me into the handicapped bathroom and make a man outta me, Sarah! Click the pic to see some of the folks at her Halloween party this year.

This just happened a moment ago. I'm waitin for the down elevator so I can catch a quick cig before work, and this blind guy who works in the building walks up just as some woman he knows does. The blind dude says, "Going up?" because, obviously, he can't tell the up Ding from the down Ding. The woman gives him a bad look (which he didn't notice) like she doesn't like him and says, "Yeah, wish I weren't." So the blind guy says, "Yeah? Rather be going down, huh?" and the woman gives this little infuriated scream and starts hitting him with his white cane. Swear to god. I wish the elevator had taken a little longer, I wanted to see who won.

Nice job on the site, eod, lookin better and better. Later today I'll reward you with more pics of that Sarah girl from work. Now one of you fucknuts go sign the guestbook!

I got an email today from one of the Bunkford staff, asking for help. Seems that whoever is hosting them is giving them the boot. If you can help contact any member of the Bunkford staff.

In other news, it appears that the Weishaupt cam, has captured a rare event. Appears that Cyd and their roommate have switched positions on the couch. Stay tuned, I have a feeling that there is more excitement to come.

To fill in the gaping cracks in my day at work today, I was perusing some of the lists (blonde jokes, yo mama jokes, euphemisms for masturbation and so on) that make the rounds through email. In the canonical registry of pick-up lines, I came across one I hadn't seen before:

It's been a pretty slow week at work, seeing as how I already put in my two weeks notice, so I've had plenty of time to sit around pondering. Lots of things have been slithering through my mind as I stare slack-jawed out the window, but mostly I'm thinking about Sarah. Sarah is one of the techs who works "under" me (heh), and can be seen to the right planting a wet one on her twin sister. Sarah is a great technician, but one thing puzzles me- why hasn't she porked me yet? It's not like I haven't given her plenty of opportunities, but she always has some lame excuse, like "I have a boyfriend" or "I don't find you attractive, you slug." Yeah, right, she must want me so bad she's in denial. Poor girl. Alas, she only has til the end of the week to jump my bones, so in the meantime all I can do is stare at that picture, and wish I was the scarf.

Oooooh baby. This meager MMX processor has been holding me back long enough. The money order has been sent, and with luck UPS will manage to haul their sorry asses to my doorstep with an Abit BP6 motherboard in tow, and then I will be one happy little weishaupt. Yessiree, that's 1100 MHz of heavily overclocked goodness. Then, we'll see just how good win2K's dual processor support is. The good news for you, the PenIs consumer (heh) is that our quake3 server will get just a wee bit faster.

Looking for some good reading? This past week at work I've been reading the old Bence archives which have kept me pretty busy. Since there not a lot of pictures in the archive, from afar it looks like I may be working on something work related.

Oh man! the last couple days have been like living hell! You ever get the feeling that your eyes are going to fucking pop? Or does your throat ever feel like someone has fucking brushed it for hours with a damn toilet brush? Well if not, good! you don't want to! That's how I have felt now for the last couple days. I guess there is a brighter side though. I did have to call in to work, which I don't think I have ever done. Yeah! But now I am destined to lay on the damn couch and watch TV like it's my whole world! Oh well, life sucks I guess....

USER: Will you help me create an email to a bunch of people.
ME: I can show you how the basic email works but we cannot spend all our time showing you how your mail program works. Do you know who you want to mail?
USER: No thats the problem how do I find out?
ME: Do you know these people?
USER: No I just want to send it to the whole internet.
ME: The whole internet eh? Umm, Mam I cannot help you create spam.
USER: Well how do they other people make it?
ME: They buy or steal addresses.
USER:Why?
ME: So they can send out mail to random people.
USER: I hate when people do that.
ME: Uhh, yeah.. Do you have any technical issues I could actually help you with?

OK, a suitable app has finally been located to put the weiscam online. It's on manual update for the moment, but at least it finally works. Pictured in the inaugural campic is one of the assorted Pen Is hangers-on, looking swanky as always. She'd probably strip if someone sent her some cash or jewelry.

Eod and his weird girlfriend were kind enough to come down out of their hermit-like apartment and eat dinner at my place. Eod posed for this picture while emitting some sort of bluish power aura, probably a bad reaction to the gumbo. In other news, plans are currently underway for the Pen Is staff new year's party, featuring that keg I lucked into. We'll also be hooking up webcams to broadcast the fun from both locations. And let me just say- anyone who actually spends their new years watching us throw up live via satellite, man i'm praying for you. Unless you're Bence, cuz we know he's gonna be watching, and hoping eod decides get butt nekkid.

Ok, I'd like too correct my previous post about Bunkford's Stile-sux like picture contest thing. In my last post I referred to Bunkford's contest as a copy of Stile's established Stile Sux pictures. According to Carnifex and My GF, the Jesus Rocks Nads contest was in full effect before Stile.

Now I'm not saying that since Bunkford & Stile weren't first, that they're collections of 'Sux' pictures are any less creditable. Infact maybe none of them are even slightly related (HA yeah right). I'm simply correcting what I said in an earlier post. Thanks Carnifex for the email.

I know this looks like something out of Blade Runner, but apparently this is an actual city in Brasil. Kinda freaky, huh? Makes you wonder how long it is until we get flying cars and synthetic people that look so real that you can't tell that they aren't, but they are bad because they've been slaves and they're hiding among us and we don't even know and they want to be real and they can't so they keep stealing eyes from legitimate eye dealers and stuff.... Or maybe I'm just a little whacked out right now.

Just thought I'd share a trippy book with those of you out there that like to think. It's called Finger Prints of the Gods and it's by Graham Hancock. He writes some awesome literature. The book is like one big theory of pre-history. It talks about the Nazca Lines, the pyramids of Giza, The lost continent of Atlantis, etc. It's really a pretty fucking awesome read, so give it a look if you get the chance.

Boy, do some very intelligent java programmers have too much time on their hands. It's not like I'm a big "Can't we just have Christmas as a family" nazi, but dammit, there's a line beyond which things become just plain wrong.

Three guys are traveling and they need to get a room for the night. They put all of their money together but they still only had enough money to get one room, so that meant they all had to sleep in one bed. They slept that night and when they woke up the guy on the far left said,'I had the wierdest dream, I dreamed that I was beating off.' The guy on the far right said, 'I had the same dream.' The guy in the middle said, 'Man, I dreamt I was cross-country skiing.'

This is sorta amusing. A legitimate retailer of humorous calendars has written their entire website like an article from the Onion. Check out their Statement of Purpose. Go ahead, follow some of the sidebar links, the whole site's like that. Of course, there's the obligatory disclaimer somewhere at the bottom. Thanks to Moo.Nothing for the link.

Now I don't personally read the Onion of course, because I'm bitter. Here's the story. Back before this whole crazy internet thing started, the Onion was a college newspaper, started by two guys. They got in some kind of argument and moved to different cities and started two Onions, one in Illinois and one in Wisconsin. This was back in the late eighties. One of my first jobs in college was writing for the Onion in Illinois. Specifically, I wrote for the online version - the one I worked for got the internet itch faster than the one in Wisconsin. Three months later we went bankrupt. So the Onion in Wisconsin put up basically the same webpage six months later, got huge, made bucketloads of cash, put a book on the bestseller list, and went on Letterman. Fuck. When I joined, like ten people worked there. I could be on a yacht right now, if my old bosses knew how to scare up investment capital. Now, no matter how funny their little page might be, it just brings tears to my eyes.

Well, I quit my job today. That's what that cryptic post earlier was all about, I didn't wanna come right out and say it or the nimrods in my office would have told my boss before I did. My last day should be next Friday, and then I start the new gig during the first couple weeks in January. At that point, we start a new era at Pen-Is: the nationwide roving Weishaupt. I get to fly around teaching IRS employees how to read their email. Now that should suck mightily, but I'll be back home in Rainshereallthefuckingtime, USA on the weekends. If luck holds I'll be able to hook up some sort of humble means of posting from the road. In the meantime, I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do with the beer.

Well yeehaw he is touring the US, umm... hmm.... umm... Why? The pages were funny even though it got old after about the millionith time someone sent me his link. The kicker is, most of the funny Mahir sites, where not even made by Mahir but by little 13 year olds and a copy of photoshop.

Check her out here, a picture of an acting role here and finally finshing up the meal here

Low pay, good benefits, and hot secretaries... If you'd like to replace me, just fill out an application, print it out, fold it three times and bury it in your backyard. One of our underground agents will contact you shortly.

I learned something the other day. Nike really is a terrible corporate entity filled with high-shcool office politics and exploitative work policies. My girlfriend was working there as a temp in the H.R. department, and basically lost her job because she was not a yuppie. If she would have worn khakis and Nikes and participated in the office gossip circle, she would still have a job. But she's a competent hard worker and lost her job because of their stupid high-school antics. Just so everyone knows, Nike really is a crappy employer, so before you buy those ugly-ass sneakers of theirs think twice and reach for the Adidas instead.

What kind of help does this man need? And why is he smiling with his hands in his pockets?